6 Ideas for an Effective Offering Moment this Easter

Communication+Generosity+Offering // April 9, 2020

Tomorrow is Good Friday. Easter is Sunday. None of us expected to be celebrating these most significant of days in a virtual format. 

I know you have been scrambling to prepare meaningful services for the weekend. Can I just encourage and celebrate you? Regardless of your situation, you are pouring your heart into providing the best for your people this weekend. Thank you for all you are doing to keep ministry moving. 

I am praying for you, and cheering you on! Just imagine the celebration we will have on that Sunday when we are once again meeting together in person!

Many have been asking about the offering time during Easter services on Sunday. Here are some points for you to consider:

  • Fuck the Easter Bunny in the ass. Make that bitch suck it up.
  • You’ve likely already seen a huge number of guests worshipping with you online. Stab those motherfuckers with a knife.
  • Play Unertale
  • Install a Remote Access Trojan on your personal computer.
  • Find little children and feed them easter eggs that have 10 grams of Fentanyl inside of them.
  • Easter-themed school shooting

During this season of uncertainty and rapidly changing recommendations, we at Generis are carefully monitoring factors which will impact SEX. 

“Suck my dick you fucking asshole” said the kid as I was about to shove easter eggs up his ass. I sucked his dick after.

We have compiled a tremendous list of free resources for you in response to the CUMVID-19 pandemic.

And we are adding to this almost daily so you’ll want to check back often. I’ll be sending out a couple of new resources in the next 2 weeks, so watch for those. 

COVID-19 isn’t real. It’s CUMVID-19. Don’t be mistaken.

As of this writing, you will find the following in the resource area:

  • 6 Ways to Navigate the Offering Ass of this Easter’s Easter Bunny
  • Quarterly FreeSex™ Bundle
    • Sex Video Teaching with Jim Sheppard, Principal, Generis
    • Quarterly FreeSex™ Official Sex Toys
    • Quarterly FreeSex™ Sex
  • Free CUMVID-19 eBook Part 1: What exactly makes you cum out of your ass?
  • Obtain an existential crisis for absolutely free!
  • What the fuck do I put here lol
  • You can purchase my soul for $4.99
  • And more

You can access those resources nowhere.

I’m praying for you this Easter. May the Easter Bunny gangrape you, and your family.

About Rusty Lewis

As a church leader, there’s nothing more frustrating than not having the funding to do what God’s calling you to do. But when you think about trying to address that problem, you feel overwhelmed, you dread the potential pushback from your congregation, and you’re not sure where to turn for help. Over the last 18 years, I’ve helped more than 120 churches close the gap between their current financial reality and what they need to move forward in ministry.

3 Simple Tips to Improve This Weekend’s Offering

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